‘Out of the Woods’

Juan Sebastian Restrepo(zeb) is a Florida-based artist known for his paintings and drawings that explore the interplay between memory and storytelling. He holds an MFA from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville and a BFA from Pratt Institute. His recent exhibitions include “intersections” at New World Gallery (2023) and “Hybridity” at the Edwardsville Arts Center (2018). Upcoming solo shows include “No Further Expectations Beyond this Night” at The Art and Culture Center/Hollywood (2024) and “multitasking” at [NAME] Publications in Miami, FL (2024). Restrepo also teaches as an Adjunct Faculty member at Florida International University and Miami Dade College.

Out of the Woods 

The copper tub reflected the water splatter as the level rose. The combination of lavender and eucalyptus mixed with the steam created a calming vibe in my little pink bathroom. It was relaxing, in a way, feeling all the stress slowly leave my body almost like I was floating outside of myself. 

I watched my old cardigan fall to the floor as I stepped into the water. 

I winced for a second, then emerged deeper, feeling my skin burn. I blocked the pain from my mind as I had done before, but it was beginning to feel comfortable as the heat seeped into my pores. The water pouring into the tub drowned out the music that played in the background. When the tub finally filled to the brim, I twisted the knob to turn it off. The whimsical Folklore album played on, filling in the silence, “I think I’ve seen this film before so I’m leavin’ out the side door.” 

My body slowly sunk to the bottom of the tub. Laying there, I replayed the events of the previous months over and over. 

My break-up. 

My hook-ups. The hook-up with a co-worker and a former co-worker. 

*Beep, beep* 

That brought me back to reality. 

I reached for my cell phone that sat on top of the toilet seat. Looking at the screen, I quickly put it back down. Not tonight, I thought as I lay there. I need more time before talking to you. 

*Beep, beep* 

1

Fuck. I reached for my phone again. Adam. He was the one to blame for this downward spiral. Just looking at his name on my phone took me back to that night. 

We lay on our bed. The bed where before that night, we had talked about our future and the kids we hadn’t had yet. Where we would be tangled up in the sheets embracing each other in the comfort we needed. Where that night, while we were talking about our day of work and school, he shattered my heart. 

“We need to talk, Beth,” he sighed while guiding a stray strand of hair out of my face. His touch was soft on my face. 

“What about?” 

“Us. I don’t think this will work anymore. We aren’t doing well, and we can’t keep faking anymore.” 

The rest of that night was a blur between my blurry, tearful eyes and the half bottle of Patron I drank to numb all of my pain. I couldn’t understand how twenty-four hours ago, we had been talking about forever and how we were willing to make everything work between his nursing school degree and my night job. We had been struggling with spending time together due to our two different schedules. The night shift sometimes made it feel like we were just roommates instead of partners. Then that next night, it turned out that he wasn’t happy and thought that there was someone better out there for the both of us. 

There was a scratch at the door that brought me back to reality. A tiny black nose connected to a brown and white dog had pushed her way into my bathroom. She released a low whine and lay on the fuzzy, electric green rug. Tilting her head back and forth, she released another low whine in confusion. 

2

“Come here, Belle,” I whispered as I dangled my arm over the tub’s edge. Water droplets trickled off my arm and onto the tile. Belle was hesitant but slowly made her way toward me to see what would happen next. As she sat below me, she managed to balance herself on her back legs and extended herself upwards to put her front legs on the brim of the tub. The chihuahua/terrier tried to lean her head towards me and somehow managed to get the stray tear that lingered in the corner of my left eye. 

“Thank you, pretty girl,” I said, rubbing the three little white spots that were on her right ear. Her comfort helped me cheer up, even if it was just for a minute. 

*Beep, beep* 

I looked towards my phone while she continued to try and lick my face more. I shifted in the tub to sit up, and Belle took off out the door to avoid the water. I opened up my messages to see three texts from Adam. 

The first one, “Hey, are you okay?” 

“Hello?” 

“Beth… You have your read receipts on. I can see you are reading my texts.” A heavy sigh slowly came out of my mouth while I laid back in the tub, trying to think of something to say. I saw the three little dots appear to show he was texting something else. Lowering my arm to the outside of the tub, I dropped my phone on the fuzzy rug and then submerged my head under the water. The air bubbles quickly rose to the top as I released my breath. I wonder if I drowned how long it would take for someone to come here, I thought. No, that is awful to think. What would happen to Belle? Who would take care of her? Your parents didn’t want you to get her, and you did it regardless. What would they do? 

3

Gasping for air and clearing the hair out of my face, I reached down and moved my phone back to the toilet seat. I stepped out of the tub, grabbed my green towel to wrap around my breast, and walked towards my bathroom mirror. My eyes were still puffy and red from the nonstop crying I had been doing for the last two weeks. Looking at myself in the mirror, I removed my towel and examined myself. Looking at the stretch marks that ran down my breasts and thighs, my stomach, when I turned to the side, looked like I was about three months pregnant. Disgusted with how I let myself go these last five years in the relationship. 

Maybe this is what my former co-worker meant when he said that ‘curvy’ girls were more fun to fuck, because their extra skin made it easier to hold on to. 

“Stupid Irish men,” I muttered as I ran my hands along the side of my body. I knew I had let my body go, and maybe this was the reason that Adam had left me. Of course, he would never say that to my face. He was too nice in that way. He was always being considerate of what he said to me. 

*Beep, beep* 

Picking up my phone, I looked to see who could be texting. 

Zayne. My co-worker. The guy who was the rebound two months after the breakup. We had agreed that we wouldn’t be an item, just FWBs. He was my go-to, middle of the night, can’t sleep kind of text. 

“You okay?” was his text. Never before had he reached out like this. It wasn’t like him. “They say all’s well that ends well…” I replied. I need to cut the Taylor Swift crap, I thought. As I had moved to my bedroom, his next text came in. 

“Seriously, are you okay?” 

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I sat there with my legs crisscrossed, thinking of how to respond. Do I tell him that I thought of drowning myself in my tub less than ten minutes ago or lie and say everything is fine? Normally I would be against lying, but tonight that was the winner. 

“I’m fine.” 

The three dots appeared and then disappeared. Zayne was never one to care about how someone else felt; instead, it was all about him. That was why these hookups would work between us. He got what he wanted, and I did too—my chance to escape my mind and shut down for the few minutes that it lasted. Our ‘situationship’ wasn’t healthy, but sometimes I didn’t need healthy. I just needed to escape. 

I tapped on Adam’s last text. The text bubbles still showed like he was still writing out another message. 

Why is he doing this? Shaking my head, I laid back on the bed and saw a white and brown fur ball jump up. 

“Make yourself comfortable, Belle. It’s just going to be you and me for a while,” I said. She walked towards the pillow I was lying on then curled herself right up against my shoulder and gave a heavy sigh. “Well, aren’t you just being dramatic,” I smirked. She licked my nose in response and then burrowed her head into the black comforter. 

I looked back to Adam’s text. The bubbles had gone away, and now all I could see were the texts he had sent over the last week. I began to type out my response, and instead of thinking before hitting send, I did the complete opposite. I hit send. 

“We were built to fall apart. Then we broke each other’s hearts.” That was my response. I didn’t know what else to say to him. 

5

Laying in bed, my mind began to wander back in time. I met him close to six and a half years ago. We worked together at Applebee’s, but we also were hurting at the same time. It was the same relationship that I had with Zayne currently that I had with him in the beginning. We helped each other heal in different ways, but we couldn’t let each other go. So our story had begun, not the way that a normal story would start, but it was something. During this time, he was the person I thought I was meant to spend my life with. We were both in school working towards a better future. He was determined to be a nurse and live in the big city. I wanted to be a writer who could travel the world. We had always supported each other. We thought this was love, but we never called it what it was. Toxic. We were always worried about each other being honest. It made Adam paranoid any time I didn’t immediately answer the phone when he called. I chose to overlook that side of him. 

That was a choice I shouldn’t have made. 

*Beep, beep* 

Was it Adam? I thought to myself. 

Nope. 

It was a notification from Bumble. I forgot about this app. As I clicked on it, I couldn’t remember who I had swiped right on. The few memories I have of this were when I was at the bar with my friend Sam. We had been doing Patron shots left and right, along with her constantly advising me on how I needed to get back out there. How now that I have been single for four months, I need to start talking to people again. She had been telling me about all the apps she was on and meeting all of these men who made her feel special. 

Checking my messages, I was surprised to see I had one guy reaching out to the question I had asked him. 

6

“Favorite childhood memory?” 

He had replied, talking about all of the trips he and his family made to his grandparents. Seems like a sweet guy, I thought. I swiped through his profile. He was a good-looking guy, about 6’3”, and very family-oriented. He had included that he was a dog lover, though he didn’t have a dog currently, and that he was a teacher/coach. The more that I looked at his profile, the more I wanted to know about him. There was this attraction to him that I didn’t know how to describe. As I went to reply, there was a sudden knock at my door. 

Belle was alert and barking up a storm. My wall clock showed that it was 10:30 pm on a Friday. I looked out my little peephole in the door and felt my heart drop to my gut. “What do you want, Adam?” I yelled through my door. “Why are you here?” “Your text. I’m here because of your text, Beth.” 

I slightly opened the door and put my head between it and the black doorframe. “My text didn’t say for you to come over.” 

“Yes, but you quoted Taylor Swift lyrics. I know you only do that when you hit a low point. Let me in, please?” 

My head and heart were at a battle. My heart wanted him to come inside, while my head was saying to close the door completely. 

“Come on in,” I sighed, opening the door completely. As he walked by me, I could smell the alcohol on him. He must have been out drinking when he was texting me. Turning to face him, he placed his right hand on my cheek and gently pushed me against the door. 

“I can’t shake you, Beth. I tried that night we broke up and the nights that followed, but I can’t get you out of my mind.” 

7

I could feel his other hand running up and down my body, exploring every inch of my black silk nightgown. 

“I can’t do this, Adam,” I whispered. “You can’t just come back after four months of leaving just because you saw me post a sad tweet.” 

His breathing was getting heavy as his face inched closer to mine. “I know, and I regret leaving you behind, Beth.” 

I could see the hurt in his brown eyes. It was the same hurt that I saw that night and every day when I looked at myself in the mirror. 

“I have missed you,” I said. “I missed you since that night you said we were over.” Adam’s hand tilted my face up towards him, his lips right in front of mine. For a moment, nothing but good memories flashed before my eyes. He made me smile and would surprise me with my favorite flowers, white daisies. 

“I want you,” he whispered. “I want all of you again.” 

I felt this sharp pain enter my gut when those words flowed out of his mouth. There was no going back from this, and I couldn’t tell what the future would bring, but at that moment, all I wanted was him. 

“I’m yours.” I pushed my face forward to where our lips collided. I could taste the Jameson on his lips and the hint of cigarettes. He never smoked when we were together, but I wasn’t going to stop and ask why he started now. Our hands explored each other like it was the first time all those years ago. His touch made me feel safe and weak, all in one. He made a grunting noise as he picked me up, my legs wrapped around his waist, and carried me to what used to be our bedroom. 

8

I wanted us to make up for the lost time. To stay frozen while time continued to move around us. His embrace was what I missed the most. His touch. His taste. The way we got tangled up in the sheets and then would lay there and giggle about how we were as twisted as a pretzel. We lay there that evening, his head resting on my chest, yet I could still feel the pain. The same pain I felt the night where he called it quits. I looked over at my neon clock, where I saw it was 12:03 am. 

Crap. 

I needed to sleep, but I couldn’t. 

*Beep, beep* 

I quickly reached for my phone so it wouldn’t wake Adam. He began to quietly snore, my signal that he was completely passed out. I clicked on my notifications to see that it was from Bumble. 

A message, to be exact. 

Butterflies arose in my stomach, along with a shiver that ran up my spine. Never had I imagined that I would be in bed with my ex and also want to meet this new guy in person. Beth, what a shame you're fucked in the head, I told myself. 

Bumble guy had asked me what my favorite childhood memory was, and it was nice to think back to when I was a little kid. I told him my favorite memory would have to be all the summers that I spent rodeoing with my grandparents and how it shaped my love for horses even more. 

Laying my phone on the side of my bed, I looked towards Adam. He was everything that I wanted when I was twenty. He was the kind of guy who had a great career and knew what he wanted in life until it came to his relationships. He and I always struggled with getting out of our 

9

comfort zone of a relationship. Yes, we loved our date nights in the same three places, but it always was the same old routine. He never wanted to venture out and try new things, while I practically had to beg for those experiences. 

The vibration went off on my phone, and as I looked at it, I had to grip it tight so I wouldn’t drop it. 

Bumble guy wanted to meet. 

He wanted to take me on a coffee date and get to know more about me. 

I could feel my heart begin to race. What do I do? 

I knew I had to make a choice. 

In my response to him, I said one simple word. 

Yes. 

Tabatha Franklin is a passionate 5th grade ELAR teacher. She has a love for words and literature, and this passion is what she uses to encourage her students. She loves to spend time with her two dogs, her husband, and a good cup of coffee. Previously published in October Hill Magazine and is currently a Non-Fiction Editor for Chaotic Merge Magazine.