No Meat

Photographer - Tobi Brun

Mia despised working in fast food and felt she had a higher calling to write award winning porn films starring her favorite actress, Anne Angel. Mia put salt on the fries and then took off the shaker’s lid and added heaps more. Mia had gone to the University of Nevada Las Vegas and majored in hotel management but her favorite classes had been her three elective film classes. It was there she had an idea for a porn film that could win her favorite porn star, Anne Angel an award. There was no way up in the world working at what she called “Jack off” the Box but her only other options in Las Vegas were to work at or for a casino or worse, for Amazon or Uber.

She realized if she drowned the greasy potato strips in sodium chloride it discouraged residents and delivery services from returning but it had worked too well. The owner had noticed there had been a decrease in foot and online traffic ever since Mia was assigned to fry cook plus two cardiac events had occurred on site required the EMTs. Roger, the twenty-two-year-old manager, two years younger than Mia, had never gone to college, also noted there had been an over four hundred percent increase in soda consumption when she worked.

“The owner makes most of his money off of soda, and he’s upset, so I have to promote you to grill,” said the manager.

She protested the promotion because she was vegan, which to her should have granted her a religious exemption. To make herself feel better, if someone ordered their burger special, she didn’t care, everyone got the lettuce, tomato, pickles, and sauce and double what they wanted none of. If they wanted no pickles, they got eight to ten. If they wanted no sauce, it would be dripping with it. If they didn’t like it, they should go to a fancier restaurant, she thought, there were plenty of them. The night shift seemed longer than normal and at the end she was confronted by the manager about why she didn’t honor individual orders and he described her as overtly passive aggressive.

“It’s more money for the owner the less you put on the sandwiches. You have failed at fast food. There is nowhere else to put you so I must let you go,” said the manager.

“Capitalism sucks. Will you at least give me a good reference?” asked Mia and the manager walked off without answering but shaking his head east to west.

Mia was worried that she would be broke soon. She had about three-hundred dollars and some change in her bank account. Anne was now offering private sessions on OnlyFans for two-hundred dollars for twelve minutes. Mia admired Anne’s entrepreneurial tendencies but she knew paying for OnlyFans was a sacrifice but she wanted the time to pitch a movie she thought Anne might like, 2069: A Sex Odyssey Too. Mia turned on her computer and was surprised a slot was open in forty minutes, and as she signed up to have private time with Anne, her hands started to cry and her stomach felt like she had ingested too much sodium.

During the wait was an Anne Angel video. A “policewoman” arrived at Anne's house and kicked the door open and Anne is in the kitchen seated on the counter, naked except for some six-inch candy apple red slut heels, legs open, licking something invisible off of her knuckles. The officer shredded off her police uniform shirt. Anne’s hair was Rudolph nose red. She had translucent skin and her blue eyes matched her opaque veins. The only hair on her body was on her head and it was long enough to cover her breasts. She only wore heels that were shades of red in her videos, and Anne always wore a fresh pair.

The policewoman said, “I’m here to arrest you. However, I think I can get you off. I get a lot of women off. And if I can get you off, you will be free.”

“Get me off? What will I have to do to get off?” Anne asked.

“Do what I say criminal. Obey me but especially this,” the officer said and whipped out her Dirk Diggler sized night stick.

“That looks like a nightstick worth obeying and getting off for,” Anne said and she shoved it into herself.

The cop cowgirled Anne, who shouted out that the officer was the best ever but she told every man and woman she acted with that. The women always looked confused, the men look flattered and believed it.

“Fuck yeah! Ride me” Anne yelled over and over.

“I told you I would get you off,” the policewoman said.

“I understand why people say ‘fuck the police’ now,” Anne said. “I will scream at everyone to fuck the police!”

That was horrific dialogue thought Mia. Anne’s talents were being wasted. How did Anne become this when she was an award nominated writer for an adult film award five years ago she wondered? The nominated script was based on the women’s suffrage movement called Susan B(anged) Anthony. It was marketed as historically accurate slice of life fiction. In it the women are led by Susan B, played by Anne, who bangs a man named Anthony and they realized the way to get men to allow women the right to vote was for women to have sex with men in power. The final scene was epic as dozens of naked women gathered at stripper poles and danced and grinded and then had an orgy with the male poll workers to get the right to vote. It was not what she had been taught in history class, but it made sense. The link to join Anne live popped up.

Mia joined the link but kept her own camera off.  Anne had clothes on, a white business jacket unbuttoned with a black skirt, and the area from her knees to her forehead now looked foreign to Mia, except her high heels or her red hair.

“What is your fantasy with me?” asked Anne.

“I want to make a film called 2069: A Sex Odyssey Too with you as the lead,” Mia said. “It will be in space and the ship will be led by an unhinged misogynist-incel computer with an Oedipus complex named JCN pronounced Jason. JCN hates lesbians but of course loves lesbian sex and wants to control all women and keep them in their place.”

“I’m surprised you pitched a film when most men want to pitch tents,” Anne said. “I love the idea of computers getting to an awareness where they need to watch sex and make people their sex objects and of course they try to oppress women,” said Anne as she looked at Mia who turned her camera on.

“JCN will yell out angry vile weird quips and the two female leads must shut it down because it has grown so furious with women it is willing to self-destruct the whole ship and itself if they don’t get in the 69 position or are stereotypical women. JCN makes it clear it will provide oxygen to the women now only if they are having sex or are in the ship’s kitchen cooking even though in space you get freeze dried food,” said Mia. They finally get in the 69 position but it's too late. The counter is seen at 00:01 and the movie fades to black. What do you think?”

“I say you are brilliant. We need the money shot so let’s say the counter stops when they disconnect the computer at 00:01 and start to celebrate but the camera fades to a white opaque liquid substance exploding at the viewer as the ship explodes. This movie could launch my all-women Hallmark Channel, the Enthrallmark Channel. But instead of making all the successful women fall for a too good to be true guy, it will be successful women pursuing other successful women,” Anne said. “Our twelve minutes is almost up, but I have some slots open and I want you to join them for free to work on the film. Any chance you are local?”

“I’m live from Las Vegas,” Mia said.

“Then maybe we can meet in person instead?” asked Anne. “The thing about your average porn video is there is no emotional connection to the characters and the plot is always the same but this sounds unique. I fake every orgasm with men by the way,” she said.

“And the ones with women?’ Mia asked.

“No,” she said, “no need to fake those. What do you do besides come up with compelling plot driven porn films?”

“I went to UNLV. Hotel management. Hated it. Got fired from Jack off the Box today,” she said.

“I was smart enough to get a degree in engineering but dumb because I got it at Devry. I went to Hollywood and the same thing happened and men were inappropriate; I experienced the Big Hollywood Lie. I figured if I did porn, I could have all the power and all the money would go to me. I can look at myself in the mirror with this job, naked or clothed,” Anne said.

“I hope you do start your own company and I think we can develop our movie,” Mia said.

The adult film awards show was opulent. Every woman was dressed in their most revealing and sheer gown and no one cared what the men wore.  2069: A Sex Odyssey Too was nominated for best film, best directing, best climax, best writing, and both Mia and Anne were up for best actress. Anne had filmed the final scene with an actress she had felt there had been no chemistry with so she talked a reluctant Mia into starring. Mia was mortified when she saw herself on screen but knew it was for art. It was an immediate hit. Strange men came up to Mia and Anne offering them money for private threesomes to which they politely responded they were millionaires and neither were into men. Some men told them they could turn them straight which always elicited a kick to their nuts from Mia. The fame and nomination had strained her relationship with Anne and they had spoken little in the last few weeks of their now eight-month relationship as Mia got more and more nervous about the awards. They rode saying little in the limo to the strip.

“Will you ever be okay that millions have seen you naked?” asked Anne. “I am so used to it and I just don’t think the film would be what it is, nominated for all these awards, if you hadn’t stepped in and it was your concept. If we win, the sales jump will fund more porn films for women and our channel.”

“I hope I lose best actress but I do want the Entrallmark channel to succeed,” said Mia as they were escorted to their table. “But I hope you win and I hope our film wins and if I have to star in another movie to advance our cause, I will.”

Their biggest competition was a film called La Isla Boneita and starred a man called Blaque Stallion. His film was him masturbating for about three hours on an island and it was filmed in black and white and it had his thoughts appear in text such as I am an island, looking for Atlantis. He was nominated for a writing award, best climax, best actor, and best director as well.

After three hours of porn puns, it was time for the major awards. The first was for best climax, which Blaque Stallion won. The second was for Best Actress and Anne won. Mia gave her a hug and for the first time since she was four, felt like crying, because she was so happy for Anne and ecstatic that she hadn’t won herself.

Anne stood at the podium with her award.

“I appreciate this award, but it shouldn’t go to me. I really didn’t have to act since the love of my life costarred with me. I am going to have to decline the award but thank you so much and it means a lot to me.”

The confused drunk on champaign Elvis dressed host came back onstage.

“Hound Dog! This has never happened. It will have to go to the next highest vote getter and they are looking it up. Here’s the envelope now,” he said.

He ripped it open into undignified shreds.

“I’m sure you have suspicious minds but the winner this time is Mia. Come on up and get your award. Great performance in an amazing film. Not just some guy jerking off.”

Mia looked at Anne who was laughing.

“I didn’t know that is what they would do,” Anne said.

Mia walked slowly with her head held high to the podium.

“I also must decline this award as well. I wasn’t acting. It was all real so I too, must decline the award. Anne let’s make things work,” she said and kissed Anne when she returned to the table.

The disoriented host came back on.

“Dang this has never happened. They are seeing who got the third most votes,” he said. The crowd anxiously awaited the results and who would turn down the award next. The envelope came out and this time he opened it like it might break.

“Oh my god, the award goes to Margaret Livingston, congratulations. Margaret, I think I’m falling in love with you,” the fake Elvis said.

Margaret Livingston was seventy-nine years old and was now the first person to win the award while acting in a porn fully clothed and the first winner over thirty-one and first to use her given name. She had played Rose’s grandmother in a porn version of Titanic called Titpanic and had one line, “Rose quit being a bitch and let Jack onto the floating plank! His dick’s shrinking!”     They did win the best film award and best director and accepted those. Anne and Mia dedicated the awards to all the women being taken advantage of by men and those not recognized in corporate America because they were women.

The crowd gave them a standing ovation but the men only stood up after the women did.

Their chauffeured limousine was pink and was in a long line of limos waiting to pick people up from the awards. Anne was more determined to start her Enthrallmark Channel on her own despite the many offers blowing up her phone she had gotten from established ones run by men. Margaret left with Blaque Stallion in his Hummer limousine.

As their limo pulled up, they settled in the back seat and Mia asked Anne what was next.

“I am having the limo take us someplace familiar,” she said.

The limo headed away from the venue and was soon in solitude off the strip.

“Oh god not here. I thought our relationship was back on,” Mia said as she saw the red sign. “This is where I got fired.”

“You need to show them there are dreams beyond Jerk in the Box, and see how far you have made it,” Anne said.

As they walked in, the people working there and in the small dining room looked at Mia and Anne. Her former manager realized Anne was there with Mia and gave her date a carnivorous look.

“Hey Roger, remember me? The fry girl?” Mia asked.

“I do. You’re also the woman who turned down an award I think you earned. What can I get you or are you just here to gloat?” he asked.

“Gloat? This is where winners who turn down awards and become nonwinners but go on to win other awards go,” Mia said.

“I’m ready to order,” Anne said. “The number three combo, with onion rings, large. What would you like Mia, my treat.”

“I can’t believe you are fry shy. I’ll take a large fry heavily salted, a burger with two and a half pickles, two top buns, one tablespoon of sauce, and no meat,” Mia said.

The manager scowled at her and retreated to get their food. Mia didn’t miss this place. They grabbed their order and people eventually lost interest in them.

“Mia, I don’t ever want you not to be in my life,” Anne said, as she sifted through her onion rings and held several up, eventually she settled on one.

“I found it; I think this onion ring will do. I can’t believe I’m doing this at Jack in the Box but will you marry me?” Anne asked.

Mia put the onion ring on her finger; it was a perfect fit.

Robin Trimble is a Navy veteran who enjoys writing absurd short stories and surreal poems. She is pursuing her creative writing certificate at Mesa Community College. She also does 3D animation and creates art and video games. Her favorite games are Pac Man and Call of Duty. She grew up in a tiny town she has never returned to, but she imagines not much has changed there. She has two sixteen-year-old cats who act like kittens.