‘Brushing Out the Knots’

Photogropher- Tall Eric

Brushing Out the Knots

“Ninety-seven. Ninety-eight. Ninety-Nine. One Hundred.” Alex lowered the brush and pulled at the clump of loose hairs that had gotten tangled in the splines.

Annabeth gave a satisfied sigh. Her eyes were closed and she bobbed side to side like a boat on the sea. In her lap their dog Charlie was urled into a tight bun. She was scratching his fuzzy little head absentmindedly. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Alex handed the brush over her shoulder and she took it. She leaned forward and deposited it into the drawer of their bedside table. Charlie, displeased with the movement, wriggled away and crawled to the foot of the bed where he splayed out, his tiny feet reaching back to them with the papery pads pointed up towards the ceiling.

Annabeth rubbed her finger over the bottom of the right paw and he withdrew it suspiciously. He turned back to face her,responding with a sour side-eye.

She laid back and pulled the covers over herself. Alex reached for the lamp and flicked it off. Some of the clarity of the room was lost with the light, but they always left the closet cracked with the soft glow from its bulb peering through. The room blurred and though visibility remained, every edge took on a softness and the scene became an impression of itself.

Alex pulled himself down beside his wife and draped his arm across her. They said “Good night”. They said “I love you”. They nodded off, two parts of a whole, and faded to sleep.

—

There was a blue band on the nightstand. It read Annabeth Turner. The adhesive that held it together was very strong. It had been clipped apart with scissors. She was laying in the bed with the covers pulled up to her eyes and the flinching of the closed lids spoke of fitful sleep.

Alex walked up to the table and dug through the drawer for the brush. He walked around the bed to his side and crawled in next to his wife. He pulled the cover back from her face and nudged her shoulder slightly. She made a sound and turned her face up. Her eyes crept open and she looked at him from the corners.

“Come on. Let me help you sit up.”

“No, please.” Her voice was weak. Alex had slipped his hand up under her back and goaded her with a bit of pressure. Her body was heavy.

“We can’t let you get all knotted up.”

“All of me is knotted up.”

“Well maybe so, but I can at least help where I can.”

She whimpered as she gave in and pushed herself up onto her elbows. He helped her along and pulled her up into a sitting position where he could hold her steady with one arm. She was very weak.

He ran his fingers through her dark hair and helped it to fall in an orderly way, like a single organism, to where it stopped just above her shoulder blades. He took up the brush and carefully drew it through the dark strands. “One. Two. Three.”

Her breathing evened out and her muscles, though still holding against the despondent weight of her body, began slowly to relax. He continued. “Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. That’s how long we’ve been married this year.” He kissed her cheek. Her mouth smiled, but her eyebrows drooped low over her closed eyes. “Thirteen. Fourteen.”

When he reached one hundred, he helped to ease her back down into a reclined position. He walked around the bed and returned the brush to the drawer, then picked up the orange bottle that was sitting beside the blue wristband with her name on it. He unscrewed the lid and shook
two pills out into his palm. He replaced the cap and set the container back onto the table. Then he picked up the water bottle. The thin plastic crinkled as his fingers pressed into it. She was supposed to drink three before the end of the day. Outside, the sun was setting. This was the
same one that she had had since they returned home a few hours before. It was a little under half full.

“Here you go. Try to drink some.”

She accepted the bottle and struggled to screw off the lid. Then she took a couple of unimpressive swallows. He handed her the pills and she managed to get them down one at a time.

“The tests should come back in after a couple of days, but don’t worry about them. That’s just a formality anyway. We got some medicine and that’s what matters. You’ll be right as rain real soon.”

She held the bottle out and he took it back, returning it to the table. She slid slowly down onto the pillow and heaved the covers back up around her neck. She squirmed around for a bit until she found a comfortable spot.

Charlie sat at Alex’s feet, watching. He bent down and lifted the dog up into his arms. He rubbed his chin and scratched behind his ear. Annabeth’s breathing settled. Alex lowered the dog onto the bed and it inspected the area. It searched about and then stopped, turned two circles to the right, paused, turned once around back to the left, and settled down into the bend of her legs behind her knees. His wife’s face softened ever so slightly.

Alex looked at them both. He rubbed his hands together and stepped out of the room.

—

They were sitting in the dark. Annabeth was sniffling and from time to time she reached up to rub her eyes.

“Twenty-one. Twenty-two. Twenty-three. That’s how many weeks until Christmas. Did you know that? I just happened to look it up today.”

Alex’s voice was very unsteady. At times he would stop counting out loud. In the corner of the room, a sporadic crunching would begin and end time and time again as Charlie chewed on dog food. Random splashes of water interjected occasionally as he drank. “Eighty-eight. Eighty-nine. Ninety. Ninety-one. Ninety-two. That’s how many years you’re gonna live. That’s a good healthy number, think so? I might kick it at eighty. You’re gonna have to watch out for me so I don’t do anything stupid and we can enjoy those years rocking on the porch at the lake like we talk about.”

“Why’s the closet light off?”

“I’m sorry. I hit it without thinking when I was putting my shirt on. I’ll turn it back on. One hundred.”

—

Annabeth held the warm rag over her mouth. It felt good. Alex had run the water and wet it for her while she was bent over the toilet. He had wrung it out with his strong hands.

Alex sat behind her on the bed. His arms were wrapped lightly around her stomach but he was careful not to add any pressure. He rested his chin on her shoulder. He kissed her cheek.

“It’s getting kind of cold.”

“I’ll go run it back under the sink again.”

When he came back, he handed her the rag and retrieved the hairbrush.

He didn’t count. He simply ran the teeth through her hair again and again. Some resistance gave as he pulled down on the left side and a large clump came away and dropped into his lap. He paused. He tried not to give any reaction. None at all. He swallowed. His hands were shaking.

—

The brush didn’t get put back into the drawer. It just sat forlorn on the far corner of the table and was starting to take a layer of dust. Alex had brought the wheelchair into the room and
locked it into place beside the bed.

Annabeth was still sitting where he had left her, leaned against the headboard. He pulled the covers back and helped her drop her feet over the side of the bed. Before he moved her anymore, Alex reached for the bottle on the counter and squeezed a healthy dollop of white cream out into his palm. He rubbed his hands together and then started to gently massage the lotion into Annabeth’s scalp.

She smiled, but her eyes were wet. “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t look away from his task. “Don’t say that. There’s nowhere on this entire planet that I’d rather be right now.”

The sun was shining brightly, hotly, through the window. They had almost always left the blinds closed and the curtains drawn before, but Annabeth said she was starting to feel claustrophobic–like the room was getting smaller. Letting the sun in seemed to do the trick to calm her some. She especially seemed to like nights when a large moon would peer through into the room and illuminate things with its less fierce, cool heavenly light. On those nights, she asked him to turn the closet light off.

Alex lifted her up and then down into the chair. She wiggled until she found an acceptable spot for her sore bones, thin skin. “Are you sure you don’t want to see about a wig?”
Alex asked. “They make them so authentic looking now.”

“Do you love me right now?” She asked.

“Of course I do. There isn’t a thing you could do to wrestle away from that.”

“Then I just want to be what I am. Don’t want to cause a mess trying to mix things up.”

—

And she was. Not once did she ever betray herself. She liked to comment about how strong he was throughout it all, but to him, there was no one so awe-inspiring in the face of despair as herself.

Her doctors loved to see her. “You make my day,” they would say with a big grin that was only a fragment of her omnipotent smile.

She fought in an effort not to show it, and she never spoke it aloud, but she was worried about how she looked. Over and over he would think just how much he wished she could peer

into his heart to see how much he adored her. It would be a long time, if it ever came, before he could accept that she did. She never doubted it.

He wasn’t sure which of these things and more that he said about her in front of their family and friends, and what, conversely, remained in his own thoughts.
Back at home, he sat on the bed in a suit that didn’t fit. At one time it had, thirteen years before, but those days were gone. He felt like he didn’t have any emotions left–he was all tapped out.

He looked down. Charlie sat at his feet, nervous at the different atmosphere that he couldn’t understand. Alex saw the bedside table–the lotions, the bottles of pills, wrinkled magazines, and an assortment of books stacked up from which a dozen bookmarks jutted out haphazardly at various phases of completion. Incomplete.

He saw the hairbrush.

He reached for it. He blew off the dust. He scooped Charlie up from the floor and let him get comfortable in his lap. Contrary to assumption, the well was not dry. The spring boiled up again and again his eyes flooded with tears.

Charlie’s curls were getting out of hand.

“One. Two. Three. Four.”

Morgan Calcutt is a graduate of Francis Marion University. He lives on a dry hill of swampy, coastal South Carolina with his wife and Boykin Spaniel. He enjoys reading and writing in the rich genre of Southern Literature while sitting, hot and humid, on the hallowed front porch with a cool glass of iced sweet tea.